im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
