Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
