and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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