im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
