Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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