I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
