yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
