Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
