You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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