Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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