I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
