She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
