New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
