My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
