my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All the doctor said was why
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
