youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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