I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
