did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He passed out mid-signature
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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