I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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