A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The adults are the big ones right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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