So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
