Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
