Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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