All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
