I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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