Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
