My hand turned me down
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
