He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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