My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
