you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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