my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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