I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
