I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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