i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
