well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
