Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
