I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
