He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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