I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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