shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
