trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
