Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
