Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
