I molested 6 butterflies tonight
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I pour the whiskey from now on
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
