toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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