How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
