Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
