I wanna bring you to show and tell
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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