He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
