...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
